Matrescence – The Becoming of a Mother
There is a time of life where our bodies physically change, hormones run wild, our brains rewire, we have a huge identity shift and it’s not adolescence, it’s motherhood. This transition known as Matrescence was coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s and is a developmental process where we not only birth our babies but rebirth ourselves, so why have we never heard about it?
During pregnancy and motherhood the brain undergoes big changes like an increase in neurons, brain pruning, and an increase in oxytocin receptors (the hormone of empathy, love and bonding). We are reprogramed to respond to our baby’s non-verbal cues – we are literally being rewired for love.
But this rewiring isn’t all baby gazing. We feel the push of craving space and meeting our own needs (the individual world of the Maiden) and the pull of needing to tend to and care for our baby (the relational world of the Mother). This split is compounded by cultural expectations and a lack of understanding, leaving mothers to feel the pressure of the mother we think we should be.
So how can we change the narrative? Start by asking yourself what is the image of the ideal mother you hold in your mind? Does she feel totally satisfied in her new role? Is there an expectation that she will automatically know what to do?
Let this go. Mothering is learnt and like everything you get better at it with experience. Matrescence is an opportunity to break these stories down and get a do-over of the past, reinvent ourselves and heal. Because if there is one person you meet post-birth, it’s not your baby it’s you. Children can mirror the unloved and unintegrated aspects of Self and while we respond to our babies with kindness and patience we need to be treating ourselves in this way too.
As a She Births® Educator I believe that Birth is an amazing Rite of Passage and no two journeys are the same, however with great education and support every birth can be beautiful no matter what unfolds. Pregnancy, labour and becoming a mother takes more than just 9 months. It is an opportunity to evolve. Let’s make these conversations important and be curious about our own unique journey as you prepare for the birth of your baby and the birth of yourself as a mother and a family.
Article written by,
Nichola Kinnane
Mob: 0411 518 727
Email: nichola@shebirths.com
